Our overthinking, analytic mind doesn’t like some of our ideas. The quiet ones. Whispers. Nudges. It rejects them so quickly, they don’t make it into our conscious awareness. We’re more likely to notice the resistance: I can’t do that. Not now. That makes no sense. No way. But the quiet thoughts we reject can be the most powerful ones we ever have. One summer, while sitting at my desk editing an article, with a window open to catch a late July breeze, this quietly popped into

Sharing your authentic thoughts, emotions, and beliefs is at the core of healthy relationships. Even when it feels risky. But we don’t become vulnerable all at once. No jumping stark naked into the swimming pool in front of everyone. It’s a gradual process. Wading into ankle-deep honesty with someone you trust, getting comfortable there, then feeling how much deeper you want to go. If it takes years to get your face wet, fine. Nobody’s handing out gold medals for baring your

Early last Thursday morning, I followed Tito, my dog, onto a log to cross a creek. We’ve done it hundreds of times. This time, just before we got to the far side, a beaver slipped into the water through the heavy brush. Tito stopped. Tried to turn around. And fell in. After scrambling onto rocks, he was stuck in a cold creek running fast through thick woods and brush. 6 feet below me. I took off my boots and socks and climbed down into the creek. Tried to lift him back onto t

Screaming into pillows made my throat hurt. So I made a bat - 3 newspaper issues rolled tight and taped together - and pounded it against my garage floor. I wanted to know why I was so angry at everyone and everything. Irritation always simmering in my gut and chest. I thought that if I kept pummeling the stained gray concrete, I’d get to the bottom of my anger. And finally understand. The first minute was delicious—pure catharsis. Then I got frustrated. And not just because

In 2 years, her smarts, skills, confidence, and creativity took her from staff nurse to managing 60 nurses on two units. But her ex got under her skin, big time. She spiraled with every gaslighting gut-punch message about their kids. Her anxiety skyrocketed. Then she found “f*cking freedom”. Like most smart, successful women, her intelligence was her superpower at work. She solved every problem. If a solution wasn’t obvious, she’d double down on analyzing and imagine 5 or 6 s

Your history of not-so-great relationships doesn't mean your picker's broken. You just need to fix your filter. Let me explain. You choose potential partners based on a filter. An mental and emotional checklist. The problem? You do it unconsciously based on: Chemistry What feels familiar What you saw at home, in movies, online, and on TV What you don't want to repeat Not on what's most important to you. Here's how that played out in my life: After my first marriage ended, I s

I was sitting in traffic last Sunday when I suddenly understood something about my partner. I had a epiphanette. Not a full-on epiphany with angels and trumpets. An "aha" moment about something he does that's puzzled me for 15 years. Maybe you have someone in your life whose behavior mystifies you. It could give you an "aha" moment, too. The lay of the land We live in a tiny community and drive 35 miles to a small city to buy groceries. On the way, we go through a tourist tow

I don't usually tell stories about people I work with. But I have her permission to share it with you because she's pretty excited about it. Let's call her Sara. She has a really full life, like most of us. Two kids, a husband, an ex (her kids' dad), starting a new business. Three cats and a new house. We've talked a few times when she was deep in very active overthinking. It happens when her husband gets angry or frustrated. As people do. It's regular relationship stuff, but

Left to my own devices, I would never have cleaned the bathrooms this morning. I would have tackled my to-do list. This story started on May 16, when I got on a plane to go visit my daughter. I love spending time with her, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. Less movement, more video games. When I visit, I do as much as I can to keep my head and heart connected. And it usually takes me 24 hours to feel like myself again after I come back. The day before I flew home,

I posted on Threads this week about a list everyone – especially if you overthink – needs before beginning to date. Dealbreakers Qualities of another person that constitute an immediate hard pass on a relationship. A lively conversation followed. It's here if you're interested. People responded mostly in one of two ways. "Great idea!" or "I did it and now I'm with a wonderful person." Dealbreakers are so important for people who overthink because we're much more inclined to t

I've been creating two things for you. The first is an online quiz that helps you identify your specific overthinking pattern. If you've been following me on IG or Threads, or if you've been reading my newsletter for a while, you probably already have a sense of how your mind gets stuck. The quiz offers deeper insight into your particular pattern. It provides you with a concrete first step to take in the moment. This goes beyond just trying to "stop thinking." You can take it

I started journaling when I was 10 or 11. My dad gave me a leather-bound planner with blank pages he didn’t want. Now Staples are my staples. $2.99 for 100 pages. Even though Office Depot has prettier composition notebooks, Staples is on the way to the grocery store. I covet Moleskine notebooks but they're spendy. I'd feel like every word had to count--which defeats the purpose, as you'll see. The wisdom of writing I've journaled most of my life. Not every day and not regular

Time to open the curtain and shine a spotlight on relationship drama. (See what I did there?) If you or your partner overthink, your relationship is likely to be full of it. Drama is continual unhealthy emotional intensity. Here are just a few ways it plays out in relationships: Arguing over things that don’t matter Seeking reassurance Attempting to control someone else Constant conflict How does overthinking fuel relationship drama? 1. ‘What if’-ing Meet John and Jane Smith