Early last Thursday morning, I followed Tito, my dog, onto a log to cross a creek. We’ve done it hundreds of times. This time, just before we got to the far side, a beaver slipped into the water through the heavy brush. Tito stopped. Tried to turn around. And fell in. After scrambling onto rocks, he was stuck in a cold creek running fast through thick woods and brush. 6 feet below me. I took off my boots and socks and climbed down into the creek. Tried to lift him back onto t

Your history of not-so-great relationships doesn't mean your picker's broken. You just need to fix your filter. Let me explain. You choose potential partners based on a filter. An mental and emotional checklist. The problem? You do it unconsciously based on: Chemistry What feels familiar What you saw at home, in movies, online, and on TV What you don't want to repeat Not on what's most important to you. Here's how that played out in my life: After my first marriage ended, I s

I was sitting in traffic last Sunday when I suddenly understood something about my partner. I had a epiphanette. Not a full-on epiphany with angels and trumpets. An "aha" moment about something he does that's puzzled me for 15 years. Maybe you have someone in your life whose behavior mystifies you. It could give you an "aha" moment, too. The lay of the land We live in a tiny community and drive 35 miles to a small city to buy groceries. On the way, we go through a tourist tow

I don't usually tell stories about people I work with. But I have her permission to share it with you because she's pretty excited about it. Let's call her Sara. She has a really full life, like most of us. Two kids, a husband, an ex (her kids' dad), starting a new business. Three cats and a new house. We've talked a few times when she was deep in very active overthinking. It happens when her husband gets angry or frustrated. As people do. It's regular relationship stuff, but

I posted on Threads this week about a list everyone – especially if you overthink – needs before beginning to date. Dealbreakers Qualities of another person that constitute an immediate hard pass on a relationship. A lively conversation followed. It's here if you're interested. People responded mostly in one of two ways. "Great idea!" or "I did it and now I'm with a wonderful person." Dealbreakers are so important for people who overthink because we're much more inclined to t

This week, I had a conversation with someone about what to do when the person you love withdraws. Everything's fine. Then they're suddenly miles away emotionally and mentally. Not talking, not touching, not tender. Maybe sleeping in another room. You ask what's going on and they don't want to talk about it or say it's not about you. I've been there. Maybe you have, too. It's especially tough when you have an anxious attachment style. (Julie Menanno, couples therapist and auth

Time to open the curtain and shine a spotlight on relationship drama. (See what I did there?) If you or your partner overthink, your relationship is likely to be full of it. Drama is continual unhealthy emotional intensity. Here are just a few ways it plays out in relationships: Arguing over things that don’t matter Seeking reassurance Attempting to control someone else Constant conflict How does overthinking fuel relationship drama? 1. ‘What if’-ing Meet John and Jane Smith