One reason some people drive you crazy

I was sitting in traffic last Sunday when I suddenly understood something about my partner.

I had a epiphanette.

Not a full-on epiphany with angels and trumpets. An "aha" moment about something he does that's puzzled me for 15 years. Maybe you have someone in your life whose behavior mystifies you.

It could give you an "aha" moment, too.

The lay of the land

We live in a tiny community and drive 35 miles to a small city to buy groceries. On the way, we go through a tourist town with a 20 mph speed limit. Cars stop so pedestrians can amble across the street.

They recently installed a traffic circle that doesn't actually solve the traffic problem.

My partner makes no sense

Last Sunday morning, we drove home with groceries for two weeks in the truck. We were the 10th vehicle waiting to enter the traffic circle.

My partner said, "Whoever planned this didn't think it through."

It's not uncommon for him to point out that things were poorly planned. In the 15 years we've been together, I've never understood why.

Until Sunday.

But he brings the lifeboat

My favorite way to describe my partner:

He's not just the person you'd want in your lifeboat.

If you needed a lifeboat, he'd say '"I brought one".

He's a stupendous planner.

For example, when we built our house, he took care of all the infrastructure. Roof, HVAC, wiring, you name it. He spent untold hours poring over options and specs, thinking about what would work best.

And then it hit me.

Of course, someone who spends months researching the perfect HVAC system would notice infrastructure that isn't well thought out. He sees poor planning because he's wired for good planning. Thinking things through.

But he doesn't care when people break the rules

On Sunday, I made the connection between his pointing out the problem with the traffic circle and my own experience.

How I used to feel when people ignored rules. Judge-y and irritated. Offended.

My reaction had puzzled me for years before I figured it out.

I spent my entire childhood following rules because it was the only way to stay safe. I couldn't afford the consequences of breaking them. When I saw other people ignoring rules without consequence, it felt deeply unfair.

Once I realized that breaking rules bothered me because following them had been a survival strategy, I could let it go.

No more feeling indignant. I'm still not a fan, but I can just notice and move on. Peace of mind for the win.

What gets under your skin?

This got me thinking about all the ways we judge other people for doing things that trigger our own deep patterns.

So here are a few questions for you to journal about:

• What consistently gets under your skin about other people?

• What would happen if you did what they did?

• How did you learn you shouldn't do it?

This is good conversational fodder, too. Have fun exploring!

I'd love it if you let me know about any 'aha's you have. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️