Hold the sledgehammer, please

Yesterday, I knew I would be having a conversation around 5 PM that was likely to be extremely uncomfortable. At 8 that morning, while walking the dog in the woods on a gorgeous fall day, I realized I felt like sh*t and was dwelling on what would happen nine hours later.

I was afraid and overthinking.

Fear is at the root of most overthinking.

I want to share a perspective on fear that has helped me immensely.

No, it's not feel the fear and do it anyway. The sledgehammer approach.

I'm a big fan of nuanced and insightful.

The most valuable perspective on fear I've ever heard is from James Wedmore.

Fear is focusing on a future we believe is going to happen that we don't want to happen.

A little clunky, yes.

Also brilliant because it points out three ways to reduce fear.

#1:

Want what you believe is going to happen.

Did I want to have an uncomfortable conversation later? Not one little bit.

#2:

Believe what you want is going to happen.

Did I believe I could make that conversation more comfortable for myself? Yes, but it would throw the relationship under the bus. So, no.

#3:

Focus on something other than the future.

For approximately the 1.3 millionth time, I remembered I had a way out of fear. I could recite the words I learned 15 years ago while I walked.

Pretty soon, I was enjoying the first yellow needles of the fall on the tamaracks.

When you're afraid, changing what you want may not be possible or desirable.

Changing what you believe is possible--but it might not happen overnight and you may someone to help you examine your limiting beliefs.

But, in any moment, you can change what you're focusing on.

What happens may turn out to be exactly what you feared. (The conversation was uncomfortable, but I was fully present and survived.)

But you can spare yourself the dread beforehand.