Are you stuck in when/then thinking?

Early one morning last week, I was walking in the woods near our home. Everything was covered in 3 inches of fresh snow.

A sudden gust of wind blew through the trees, and huge white clumps blanketed my head and shoulders within seconds.

I started laughing. Which snapped me right out of the when/then thinking I’d been stuck in.

When I get home, I’ll do some quick yoga. Then I can write until my first call. When I’ve finished my calls, I’ll make dinner. When we’re done eating, I can relax and read.

Perhaps you know the feeling.

When you get through everything you have to, then you'll do what you want.

It feels like you’re always pushing and never present.

Because you subconsciously defer being present until you get to the good stuff. Your body and mind are in different time zones.

The problem with when/then thinking is that you spend most of your life rushing to get to the part you’ll enjoy.

This is true in the small things but also the big ones.

Like your relationships:

When I have the relationship I want, then I'll be happy. Then my life will feel complete.

No relationship can carry that weight.

I’m not saying you should stop wanting a great relationship. Just think of it as complementing your life, rather than completing it.

Because inviting someone to share a life you don't already love is like asking them to dinner at a bad restaurant and then resenting them for not bringing good food.

Genuinely loving your life gives you something real to bring to the table.

That means stepping out of when/then thinking and concentrating on right now. Finding real pleasure and cultivating gratitude.

If you make a daily practice of being fully present in your life, you’ll be amazed at how much more ease you feel living it and finding someone to share it with.

Try this:

The next time you notice you’re doing one thing and thinking about what you want to do later, stop what you’re doing.

Focus on one sensation.

How a pen feels in your hand. How the light breaks through the window.

The sound of wind chimes ringing outside. Or the birds singing in the background.

The feel of warm water on your hands or the smell of the soap as you wash them.

Savor it for 15 seconds. This will help you stop rushing, come back to the present, and find more ease.

And when you notice that you’ve gone back to the future, gently bring your attention back to right now.

You’ll find that the more you do this, the easier it is to snap out of when/then thinking. Which means you enjoy the life you already have more.