The G word

If you're reading this, you've probably memorized words and know how to use them to bring you peace of mind. If you don't know what I mean, read this before you go on.

You've done this for a week or two, at least semi-regularly. You might not remember to do it every time you overthink, but you do remember later that you could have.

That's a win, too.

I've had many "ohhhh, I should have" wins along the way.

What can you do next to keep rewiring your brain in positive ways?

The G word

I HATED IT when someone first suggested I practice gratitude. I didn't feel grateful for anything at that point in my life and loathed the idea of drumming up feelings I didn't have.

The phrase "have an attitude of gratitude" made me want to gag.

Maybe you're not where I was. If you are, I completely get it.

A few things I've learned that might help...

Practicing gratitude isn't about feeling grateful.

Feel free to grumble away while you're doing it. I've dropped a number of F bombs into my gratituding.

This isn't about looking for silver linings in dark clouds or pretending the clouds aren't dark. If you hate what's happening in your life, go on and hate it with a fiery passion.

But you can still find things you're grateful for. If 'grateful' feels too hard, substitute 'appreciate' or even 'like'.

Start small. No, smaller than that. Really small.

Right now, wherever you are, whatever's going on, however you feel, think of one small thing you appreciate.

If you can't think of one, keep getting smaller.

1. The cat didn't puke this morning.

2. The cat didn't puke on the rug this morning.

3. The cat didn't puke as much as usual on the rug this morning.

4. You didn't step in the cat puke on the rug this morning.

Engaging more of your brain is good. Write it down.

Write it down using a pen you love. Voila, you have something else to appreciate.

Find another one. Find five things..

Not what you think you should appreciate, but what you're actually a tiny bit glad about.

Repeat regularly.

You get to decide what counts as regular.

Pro tip:

When I'm in a rough patch in a relationship, I focus on things I appreciate about the other person. If I can't think of anything, I remember why I liked them in the first place.

This, plus learning how to step out of the constant drama, radically changed my experience of my second marriage.

Every day, I filled an entire notebook page with the things I felt grateful for about him and our relationship. I didn't always have new material, so I repeated some of the same things many times.

He ultimately left, but that didn't change how sweet the last six months of our marriage were for me. I vividly remember leaning across the table, cupping his cheek, and telling him how much I loved him--I hadn't felt that kind of tenderness toward him in a long time.

I'll be grateful forever I didn't end that marriage in anger. Grief is hard enough.

Do it.