Approval ruined me for days

The last few days have been very humbling.

On Friday, I posted a thread using my usual method:

• I stayed in bed for a while after I woke up. 

• I thought about how I could help people create peace of mind and amazing relationships. 

• I remembered something that helped me. 

• I got up and wrote about it without thinking very hard. 

A lot of people on Threads responded to it.  A. L.O.T.

I immediately plunged into overthinking. Faster and farther than I have in years.

For two days, I thought about how I could make it happen again. I painstakingly wrote threads I thought would get lots of attention. They didn’t. I felt increasingly uncertain.

Two days later, someone whose business is helping people grow their following told me they were using it as an example of how to write a viral thread.

I doubled down on overthinking, repurposing something that had been viewed 500K+ times a few months ago. Barely a blip. "I'll have uncertainty with a side of anxiety, please."

Then it was time to write this week’s newsletter. I wrote and deleted for the better part of three days.

I never do that. My method:

• Have an idea for the newsletter

• Write it in 2-ish hours

• Edit it the next day

• Send it

But I kept trying and failing to write the brilliant and compelling newsletter that someone who was a thread-writing example would create. 

At 3 AM today, I finally realized what was going on in my head.

One reason I overthink is that I love getting it (whatever it is) right. I lapped up the accolades and awards that came from knowing the answers from kindergarten through graduate school. I loved it when my clients raved about my work. 

All the views, likes, replies, reposts, shares, and exampling was a huge hit of approval for getting it "right". Enormous external validation.

And I wanted more so much that I stopped doing what I know works for me.

Approval is STILL a powerful drug for me.

Powerful enough that I’ll abandon what is true for me to pursue it. 

I'm still unpacking everything I can learn from this.

But my next step is to check my motivation.

When am I choosing words or actions because I trust what is true for me?

When am I choosing them because I think I'll get external validation? What do I think that will look like?

Without sinking into navel gazing, examining your motivation is worthwhile.

The bottom line

Liking approval is fine.

Life gets very messy, very quickly when it becomes your goal.

Do you. Let go of the outcome.